


all i want for christmas is you

by lunecarree



Series: xmas drabbles [2]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe- College/University, Best Friends to Lovers, Christmas, Light Angst, M/M, Mistletoe, Pining, changmin is a dramatic emo pining scorpio, idc the wc this is a drabble i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27904405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunecarree/pseuds/lunecarree
Summary: "Because we're different." Changmin stumbles over the words, trying to think of the most reasonable and not suspicious way to explain this situation, how they are different from all of their other friendships because not all of Chanhee's other friends are in love with him like Changmin is.Chanhee's frown slowly forms a pout. "Do you not want to kiss me?" And by god he really wants to, his lower lip is jutting out and there is nothing more than Changmin wants in this world to bite it, run his thumb over it and press it against his own lips. It's insane how much Changmin wants.
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Ji Changmin | Q
Series: xmas drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041113
Comments: 4
Kudos: 95





	all i want for christmas is you

**Author's Note:**

> i love kyunyu and i love christmas. 
> 
> unbetad

Ji Changmin loved romance. 

He practically grew up on romantic films and books and spent a ridiculous amount of time writing heartbroken poetry about how he had fallen in love with his best friend. 

Honestly, Changmin kind of wishes that was something he could say ended in high school but here he is 3 years into his college degree in English literature, still writing poetry about the same best friend he’s still tragically in love with. 

His professor loves it. She said he was extremely talented and creative, Changmin would say he was suffering. According to his mother, all great artists are. He didn’t think he liked that idea, that to create a masterpiece you have to experience pain. 

He much preferred the hallmark movie version, where everyone got their happy ending. 

His life, however, was not a hallmark movie and he did spend a lot of time suffering. Like now, watching his best friend, love of his life, soul twin be flirted with by mediocre college men at parties. 

The cute boy in front of them smirks and Changmin honestly can’t believe he’s standing here witnessing this nightmare. “You like my name, you should hear my phone number.” he looks to the floor willing himself to not burst out into laughter, was that a _Friend’s_ reference? Lord help him please let Chanhee see sense over dimples. 

Choi Chanhee, an idiot, giggles. 

After two more minutes of painful flirting Chanhee convinces the man to go get them drinks, which leaves Changmin alone with his best friend to beg for him to see the light. 

“What do you think?” Chanhee asks, Changmin scoffs. 

“You can’t possibly be serious. The _Friend’s_ reference?” Changmin snorts, Chanhee rolls his eyes at his friend and turns back to watch the boy get them drinks and at that moment he realised that his best friend of 10 years was seriously about to drop all morale for dick. 

“I like _Friend’s_.” Chanhee shrugs nonchalantly, Changmin is sure there’s some kind of deeper meaning or euphemism to that offhand comment that has absolutely nothing to do with the sit-com but he doesn’t dare even think about it. 

“Yeah, well, I hope you like making eye contact with _Chandler Bing_ while you get your back blown out later.” Chanhee scoffs with irritation and fixes his glare back at him. 

“I will have a great night with Chandler Bing.” Changmin sincerely hopes he does, he isn’t in the mood to hear every single flaw of the man’s bedroom performance tomorrow morning. 

Being in love with your best friend for around eight years makes those kinds of conversations a whole other level of painful. Chanhee was the flame to Changmin’s moth, the sun in his universe and every other pathetic simile Changmin has written in his journal. 

Notebooks upon notebooks of romantic and heartbroken poetry all addressed to one Choi Chanhee and Changmin had a few poetry prizes and a good steady GPA but no boyfriend. 

“I might head home now then.” There was no reason for him to stay and have his heart be crushed into tiny little pieces when he could be at home watching Christmas rom-coms. 

Chanhee turned to him and pouted, Changmin felt himself falter a little. “So soon?” Don’t fall for it Ji Changmin, you are smarter than this, you are stronger than this.

“Yeah. I’m mega swamped with assignments.” He lied, his semester had ended, “Coming tonight was a bad idea.” That part was not entirely a lie. Chanhee frowned at him a little but didn’t say anything to imply that he knew Changmin was lying. Bless his lying skills. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow though!” Changmin tries to reassure his best friend, he feels more guilty as every second passes as the frown stays plastered on Chanhee’s face. 

Chanhee smiles a bit, and Changmin knows every Chanhee by smile off by heart, the polite meet the parents smile, the meeting new people smile, the close friend smile and then this smile right here. 

The reserved for Changmin smile. 

This expression is mainly used when Chanhee doesn’t want to smile but he just can’t help it, and god it’s the most beautiful look on him. 

Changmin may not have a lot, but this one thing that he has, this smile, it’s everything. It makes the dark days a whole lot brighter. 

Chanhee punches his shoulder. “You better not forget.” He tried to look threatening but the smile tugging at his lips ruins any kind of threatening aura he may have tried to give off. “Chanhee and Changmin’s Christmas Adventure commences tomorrow at 8 am sharp.” He says a little more sternly. 

Changmin raises his eyebrow and gestures over to the boy getting Chanhee a drink. 

Chanhee relents with a sigh. “Okay fine maybe noon.” 

_I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there’s just one thing I need,_

Apparently the first part of their agenda was Christmas shopping. Changmin has no clue who for, this year they had opted not to go home for Christmas and it would just be the two of them in Changmin’s dorm, a mini tree from the supermarket sitting on a cardboard box stand in the corner. 

Changmin had already ordered Chanhee’s gift online a while back, like the sensible man he is. Christmas shopping was not his strong point and the crowds in department stores like the one he was in now, were his least favourite thing. 

“What are you even buying? Why are we in the jewellery department?” Changmin complained, unless Chanhee had managed to source a whole lot of money without telling him there was no chance he could afford any of the things he was looking at right now. 

“Jiwoo’s future.” Chanhee replied, not sparing him a glance. 

“Jiwoo? Kim Jiwoo?” 

“That’s the one.” Changmin rolled his eyes, “She’s an idiot and I’m putting an end to this painful pining.” He wanted to laugh at the irony. 

Though sure enough, not even a hundred feet in front of them stood Kim Jiwoo in her work uniform in front of a glass case of rings, staring distractedly off across the room. It took a while for Changmin to realise that she wasn’t just staring off into space but rather staring at the Santa’s Village. 

Suddenly it all comes together. 

Chanhee marched towards the case as soon as he laid his eyes upon her and Changmin had no option to follow blindly. 

Jiwoo’s attention quickly was diverted back to the blond-haired boy in front of her, eyes widening a little in shock before settling with a look of slight terror. 

“Where is she?” Chanhee demanded. Changmin smiled apologetically at the girl in front of them, Chanhee has a very aggressive way of showing how he cares for his friends and it can be terrifying at times. 

"Nowhere?" It sounded more like a question than a statement, "Who are you even talking about?" Jiwoo bluffed with a newfound sense of confidence, Changmin raised his eyebrows, it wasn't going to get past Chanhee but he really did admire her for trying.

Chanhee, as expected, persevered. He maintained eye contact with her, patiently waiting for her to break. Jiwoo tried to hold up for as long as possible her smile becoming more pained by every passing second. Changmin looked around to see if anyone had noticed this bizarre staring competition the two had commenced in the middle of the store. No one even spared them a glance too caught up in their own last-minute Christmas shopping disasters.

Jiwoo's shoulders dropped in relief the second the staring contest ended. "I'm still not telling you." Chanhee sighed dramatically.

"Kim Jiwoo," He started holding the bridge of his nose, "You pathetic, pathetic gay. I beg of you to please do something about this woman who has been, don't even deny it, flirting with you." Jiwoo pouted at him. "The Gods have handed you a Christmas miracle now do something about it!" Changmin smiled softly at the use of Christmas miracle, he knows that Chanhee doesn't believe in them.

"You're literally living one of those god awful Christmas movies that Changmin makes me watch and I honestly am fed up of the awful pining part and would really like for you to speed this whole thing up and just confess already." Changmin looked to the floor, the words not directed at him but still felt like an arrow straight to his heart. Changmin wonders what Chanhee would tell him if he knew that his very own best friend had been pathetically pining for him for the better part of the last decade.

"Now, Changmin and I are going to go home and watch those terrible Christmas movies and I don't want to hear from you till you have decided to grab life by the balls and get your dream girl," Chanhee instructed and grabbed Changmin's wrist dragging them out of here without leaving any time for Jiwoo to respond. Changmin smiled apologetically at her as he was dragged away and towards the elevator.

"I don't make you watch those movies." Changmin pouted once they were on the elevator and it made Chanhee laugh ridiculously loud before he turned to him with a soft smile.

"No, you don't," the blond agreed. "I watch them with you because I love you too much." Chanhee sighed. Changmin curses the way his heart flutters, he wonders if the other thinks about his words before he says them. These heart palpitations that Chanhee constantly give him can't be good for Changmin's health.

_I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree,_

True to his word, Chanhee and Changmin do go home and watch a Hallmark Christmas movie in Chanhee's dorm. It's a painful coincidence when Chanhee picks the one movie about being in love with your best friend. These coincidences keep piling up to make Changmin's life miserable. He feels himself turn red and has to look away at certain scenes.

"Do you think it's weird?" Changmin feels himself freeze when Chanhee speaks, has he caught on to his weird behaviour? This is it, the moment that Changmin has been dreading for years, Chanhee is going to confront him about his feelings and he's going to tear his hearts into millions of shreds and stamp on it and leave Changmin in a puddle of despair.

"What's weird?" Changmin asks, he's glad that the lights are off so the other can't see how the blood has completely drained from his face in dread of what's to come. Glad that he won't be able to see how he breaks when he lets him down.

"We've been friends forever." Chanhee says thoughtfully, but doesn't take his eyes off the screen in front of them. "But we haven't ever kissed, not even once." Changmin froze.

He tried to urge himself to move, say something, do literally anything but he couldn't. Chanhee turned to look at him and god his eyes were beautiful. The eye contact somehow made this already awkward situation worse.

"I mean," he spits out the words, urging himself to try and say something, anything to break the silence that painfully fills the air. The movie in the background not aiding in drowning out the silence in the slightest. "Not really."

That must not have been the right answer though because it has Chanhee frowning back at him. "I've kissed all our other friends though," Changmin is unfortunately very aware of this, "So why not us?" He asks and Changmin desperately searches his eyes for an answer to all of this.

"Because we're different." Changmin stumbles over the words, trying to think of the most reasonable and not suspicious way to explain this situation, how they are different from all of their other friendships because not all of Chanhee's other friends are in love with him like Changmin is.

Chanhee's frown slowly forms a pout. "Do you not want to kiss me?" And by god he really wants to, his lower lip is jutting out and there is nothing more than Changmin wants in this world to bite it, run his thumb over it and press it against his own lips. It's insane how much Changmin _wants._

But he can't. Not like this. He can't kiss Chanhee and pretend like it's nothing, pretend he doesn't need to kiss him the same way he needs to breathe. How could he say that though, how could he tell him that without disclosing his Russia sized crush on him.

So with this he says nothing, which is ultimately worse because Chanhee must have taken that as a go-ahead to go and kiss him. _Fuck._ Changmin's eyes close not in anticipation but in dread, he had thought about this moment so many times and thought about all the different ways that this could go down. Soft poetic confessions or maybe it wouldn't be poetic maybe it would be clumsy but it would be perfect and all the pain of the past eight years would be over. Chanhee would know how he felt, Chanhee would feel the same and they would kiss and live happily ever after, like the movies

Chanhee was getting closer with every moment he could feel his breath on his own lips. One more inch and that would be it, they would be kissing.

Changmin jumps back. "No, I can't" This wasn't what he wanted, what he had imagined their first kiss to be like. Chanhee didn't know how he felt and he didn't feel the same. That would be them kissing the same way he kisses Sunwoo, or Jacob, or Sangyeon. Changmin didn't want to be any of them.

He had to leave.

Stumbling off the bean bag and clumsily back onto his feet he mumbled something about having to go and he ran. Ran as fast as he could as far as he could, leaving a puzzled Chanhee behind.

_I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know._

The next morning, Changmin woke up to someone banging on his dorm room. Thinking that he if ignored for long enough they would go away, he continued to lie on his bed staring at the ceiling.

The person, however, did not seem to want to leave him alone. "Ji Changmin!" Chanhee shouts from the other side of the door, "Open up!" Changmin sits up at the sound of his best friend's voice, he hadn't expected him to actually show up at his dorm door after he ignored all his messages last night.

Changmin heaves a sigh, before dragging himself to the door, stopping by the mirror on the way and wincing, he looked exactly how he felt. When he opened the door his friend looked worried. It made the hole in Changmin's chest ache. "Hi," Changmin said nervously.

Chanhee didn't say anything in response, just marching forward and pulling Changmin's into his arms, Changmin thinks he might start to cry again. He hated how much his arms felt like home, felt like his anchor back to reality. How had he gotten himself in such a mess? He took in a shaky deep breath and willed himself to keep it together. 

“I’m sorry,” Chanhee mumbled into his shirt, “That was so inappropriate of me and I didn’t want to make you feel so uncomfortable.” Changmin wishes he could explain why he ran off last night, why he didn’t kiss him even though it’s the only thing he could think of for the past eight years. 

God, Chanhee must think he’s insane, just a kiss between friends. Something he’d witnessed Chanhee do so many times over the past, something he himself had done. It was times like this Changmin wished he had more control over his feelings, he wished he could fool himself into believing that he was perfectly contempt with just being friends with Chanhee, he could fool himself into kissing him without it meaning anything. 

“I’m sorry.” Changmin whispers back, his heart heavy with guilt. 

The other leans back out of the embrace and Changmin schools himself into not pulling him back into his embrace, needing the other's touch right now. 

“I’m sorry,” and for a second Changmin realises that Chanhee looks scared. He wonders if maybe that he had thought that Changmin would never forgive him, that he was gone for real this time. Changmin considers that maybe he should have. 

He brushes this thought aside, apologising to Chanhee for running away, for not responding to his messages and secretly he apologises for not being able to kiss him. Changmin wants nothing more than to be a good friend to Chanhee, and he felt like somehow with this he had failed him. 

“I love you, you know that right?” Chanhee asks, brushing Changmin’s hair out of his face and with the words Changmin’s heart aches, he knows that Chanhee loves him, just never in the way that he wants him to. 

Changmin whispers the words back and it hurts to say it, he would do anything for Chanhee to know the real meanings behind his words. 

_Make my wish come true._

They don’t talk about it, Chanhee understands that Changmin can’t explain and yet again Changmin falls for him a little harder, he wishes that Chanhee wasn’t so perfect. 

With that their great Christmas adventure was back on, Changmin felt at ease in the presence of Chanhee, so familiar despite all of the pain, it was just so easy to laugh around him. 

Changmin loves ice skating and Chanhee hates it, but despite this they go. Changmin understands why the blond hates it so much, he never had been able to pick up the skill which made for quite the comical experience this Christmas eve. 

He huffs out a breath, determined to not fall over but still clutches at the barrier of the rink. Changmin schools back his laughter, he’s only doing this because Changmin loves it. “You shouldn’t be so nervous if you think you are going to fall you will end up falling.” Changmin tries to give him some advice, skating round back to him. 

Chanhee glares at him, “Easier said than done, Mr Skating Prodigy.” Changmin laughs at this before offering his hand to him. 

“Come on, you’re holding back the 5-year-olds.” Before gesturing behind him, Chanhee’s eyes follow to where he points and grumbles something under his breath. Changmin can physically feel himself soften, “I’m not going to let you fall, I’ve got you.” He smiles at him reassuringly, Chanhee meets his eyes and Changmin can see his resolve fade the tiniest amount as he takes his hand, still a little unsure. 

The first few rounds of the rink, Chanhee holds his hand in a death grip and Changmin is sure that with the combination of that and the chill in the air that he is going to have terribly sore hands for the next few days. 

Chanhee’s death grip eases a little when he realises that Changmin is not actually going to let him fall, and he starts to get into the hang of skating himself. 

“Changmin look!” He exclaims after letting go of the other’s hand. “I’m doing it!” He grins at him and Changmin wants to burn this memory into his brain so that he won’t ever forget the look of glee on his face. 

This glee is short-lived because sure enough not even thirty seconds later Chanhee trips up and goes straight down on the ice, not without dragging Changmin down with him though. And this is how they find themselves in a very similar situation to the one that had Changmin running for the hills last night. 

Changmin was on top of Chanhee, their faces ridiculously close staring into each other's eyes. Changmin screams at himself to move, to not make this situation awkward, to not make it extremely obvious how much he wants to kiss him. 

And by god does he want to, Chanhee’s lips are slightly ajar and Changmin suddenly finds himself staring at them, wondering what flavour of chapstick that he was using these days, wondering what it tastes like. Maybe it would taste like strawberry or cherry, maybe he wouldn’t pick up on the flavour at all and his lips would just taste so indescribably like Chanhee. 

At this point Changmin has been staring at Chanhee’s lips for an embarrassing amount of time, when he manages to force his gaze to study the rest of Chanhee he notices that he is searching his own face, searching for an answer that Changmin doesn’t have. 

Changmin clears his throat and gets up, leaning his hand out to help Chanhee up. Chanhee’s eyes don’t leave Changmin’s and Changmin is looking everywhere but at Chanhee. This wasn’t last night, that would have been just a no big deal kiss between friends. Changmin wanted to kiss the other boy senseless in the middle of this ice rink in front of hundreds of people. 

“Maybe we should get going.” Changmin says, trying to urge the other boy to move or just do anything. 

“Yeah.” Chanhee responds but he still sounds out of it and for a second Changmin lets himself hope, hope that maybe the other boy was just affected by the image of them kissing and that maybe he felt the same, felt even a shred of what Changmin felt for him. 

Chanhee eventually snapped out of whatever daze he was in and was back to his regular joking self within five minutes of them leaving the ice rink and Changmin supposes that maybe the whole thing was just him in shock from the fall. 

_All I want for Christmas is you._

When night falls, Chanhee manages to convince Changmin to not only get on the Ferris Wheel but also pay for them to do so. “Think about how pretty it will be, to see the lights from the top,” Chanhee argues and Changmin thinks that the view from down here was impressive enough, he tried to argue back that it was too expensive but once again he has fallen victim to the pleading eyes of Choi Chanhee. 

After waiting in a ridiculously long queue, they finally made it onto the Ferris wheel, and god help Changmin, there was mistletoe. 

“Is that mistletoe?” Chanhee asks, “I guess it’s romantic, kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel or whatever.” He concluded and Changmin’s heart was pounding so fast he felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. It was just the two of them now, alone in this compartment with mistletoe hanging over them, haunting him. 

What if it was a sign, he thought. In the past twenty-four hours, Changmin had come closer to kissing Chanhee than he ever had in the past eight years. Could this be the universe trying to tell him something is this a sign that he needs to do something? 

No, that’s ridiculous. Changmin tries to laugh it off but something deep in his stomach feels off. 

He becomes aware of how long this ride would be and ends up panicking. The universe could be giving him opportunities and he could be missing them. He could be passing off some of the greatest moments in life because he’s too scared. 

At this moment he realises that maybe he’s done with being scared and that maybe he wants to grab life by the balls and confess. No, he doesn’t. But he does. His head is all over the place and he feels seconds away from just shouting out the words, but he stops himself. He owes his high school self and every poetry award he has ever won in honour of his feelings for Chanhee better than that. He owes every stupid rom-com he’s ever watched better than that. 

Maybe this was perfect though, the perfect time and place to tell him his feelings. It was Christmas and it was romantic and Chanhee was a good friend and he was not going to shatter his heart into tiny pieces if he didn’t feel the same, Changmin tried to reassure himself. 

“I want to say something.” Changmin blurts out without too much thought, and _shit_ this was it. Here it came, the moment he had spent imagining for the past god knows how long. He was going to do it. He was going to confess. 

Chanhee looks confused, “Go ahead.” 

Changmin kind of felt his confidence crumble when he looked into Chanhee’s eyes but hell he had come this far, he wasn’t going to back out now. This was the Christmas hallmark movie confession Changmin had always wanted. 

“All I want to say is that it’s Christmas.” Changmin smiles slightly as Chanhee looks even more puzzled. 

So he continues “And I know it sounds exactly like those absolutely _god awful_ Christmas movies that you hate to watch but, at Christmas you take chances and you tell the truth.” He breathes deeply. “So I’m going to take my chance to tell you the truth. I’m so stupidly in love with you Choi Chanhee.”

Changmin tries to search for something in Chanhee’s face but he finds nothing. “I know it sounds completely ridiculous but it’s true.” A tear rolls down Changmin’s face. “I’ve been in love with you for around 8 years 6 months and 3 weeks now, I love the way you smile, I love the way you are so fucking picky about the way you fold clothes, I love the way that you care for every soul in this world and try to act like you don’t. The way that you hate romantic movies so much but yet you still watch them with me, so I don't feel alone. The way that you cook for Sunwoo every week because you don’t want him to only eat instant ramen. The way you’re always there for all of us, for me. How you think you never know what to say when it needs to be said but somehow whatever stupid thing comes out of your mouth is just so perfect.” Changmin curses himself for how he cries through each sentence. 

“I know that it’s not what you want to hear and that we’re best friends.” Changmin chuckles wetly, wiping at his cheeks before continuing. “And I know I may have just ruined the _best friendship_ I’ve ever had but I just needed you to know.” 

Chanhee stares at him for a second and Changmin realises that he rambled and is now crying in front of his best friend and quite frankly looks entirely pathetic. 

Changmin realises that maybe this was not his greatest idea, and no matter how great confession scenes look in movies nothing could ever prepare him for the awkward reality of the fact that his love interest did not reciprocate his feelings and that they would be awkwardly stuck in the compartment of this Ferris wheel for a painful amount of time. 

He is pondering how believable it would be if he tried to spare his dignity and claim that he was joking before Chanhee smiled at him and his whole brain froze over. “Ji Changmin.” Chanhee sighs fondly. “You big fucking idiot.” 

And before Changmin has any time to compute what he had said and come up with a response, Chanhee is leaping across the compartment and pressing his lips to his own. 

Changmin once again was frozen, eyes open and hands still at his side. Before he realised, shit, Choi Chanhee was kissing him. Chanhee leant back warily, realising that Changmin wasn’t kissing him back. 

Changmin was quick to fix this though, grabbing at Chanhee’s face and crashing their lips together. It was messy, it was uncoordinated and their teeth clashed and Changmin honestly was too busy smiling into the kiss but somehow it was still perfect to him. 

A Christmas miracle that was more than Changmin had ever hoped for. 

**Author's Note:**

> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/kunwooism)


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